If you dig around a bit, you will find that the word "contemplation" comes from some old language and meant "to mark out a space for observation." Contemplation is used primarily in the spiritual sense - as I have commonly used it - and I think now is a good time to "mark out a space" for some observations. I think this week on the calendar is prime real estate for all that goes with observing...looking to and fro, back through history and forward into the future (it is the end of one decade and the beginning of a new one).
Personally, I just celebrated 20 years of total sobriety and a month after that date falls my b'day. This week is in between the two and really becomes a time of contemplation for me. I am realizing how I am not achieving what I wanted or being who I am. It is a tough place to be for me. The good thing is I have the power to change it. I don't use this time to beat myself up but to decide on how I will live differently.
I hope you make the space to look at your life and then choose how you will achieve what you want and be who you are. Let me know how that works for you.
I am slowly coming to terms with my own self, who I want to be and that is myself. Not what other think I should be for them. I find achievement in helping others. I doing this is one way I have become better acquiented with myself and getting to know others alot better. I lived with a name stegma when it comes to mental health. A while back I saw a new mental health doctor and he got to know me. It took awhile but both the doctor and I succeeded and I have a much better mental health name. Its a pretty nice feeling when someone doent jump into making labels to fast. I relie on a therphist to help me with issues. I take care of myself and health. I have become more of my own feeling that I dont lay off on someone else. I made a committ to my ownself with alot more heathier choices. Saying what I think is ok. I have not tried to hurt someones feelings in doing so.
ReplyDeleteBrad, You should be proud of your 20 years sobriety but yikes at the birthday age! Just kidding. Smile. Sorry about the buyer's remorse also. What did you buy that you did not like?
ReplyDeleteanoonymous, I enjoy your blog e-mail. Life is going much better. I am alot happier with my own self and in helping others. I have made stronger boundrys and they are working very well in my own head. I dress for myself and not to please others. I have had a older therphist, Mental health doctor and nurse. They have been concerned when others have not been. I have delt with alot of issues and not once was it living in the past. I take alot of medicine. I take 9 in fact. Thanks for the ones who cared and I got rid of the ones who didnt care. I have made new friends and have kept them no matter what happens. Its nice to get rid of people who never were my friends in the first place. Im learning not to be so judgemental about myself, but I have had to hunt for my own resourse and recovery plans. By the way when I take care of my own recovery and my own treatment plan then I am working alot better. I hope life works out for every one for the better. If you are kind of wanting to know why I took the greeters volenteer job, its because Once in my life I had been in a state hospital in Oklahoma. I saw and felt what it was like. I did not know what to do with my self or what to do with my self. I am now divorced and single and I visit my 4 kids and grandkids. Thats the importance of life.
ReplyDeleteanonymous, I feel so sorry for people who have had to name call an say ugly remarks about others. Im glad I did not have to act that way. I am glad I did not respond at all. It did not make me mad, Im just glad you can just hurt yourown self. Hope it made you feel good about yourself only trying to hurt someone else.
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